Honestly that question mark is there for a reason because I think I have been here for 4 weeks and that this is my 5th. This week was by far the hardest week I have endured in the CCM. I don't want this to be a complaining letter, but it may very well be. So I apologize in advance.
On Friday I was struck with some sort of stomach flu. I woke up at probably 2 30 and threw up for the first time that day (which continued about....13 or so more times throughout the day) by about 10 I had enough strength to walk over to the clinic and make sure I wasn't dying from some weird mexican disease, I wasn't. I think the doctor doubted my sickness because I walked in just fine, that of course was before I threw up in the office. So he believed me then. He then drove us back to our casa cause he could see that I was obviously not up to walk 3 blocks back. Hermana Lister was then given the okay to go to class when I got to lie in agony for the remainder of the day. There was a point were I was having a hysterical sob fest and at one point I do remember screaming, yes i repeat, screaming "My body is going to kill me. I'm going to kill myself from the inside out." luckily all the girls in my house were in class because that is so embarrassing and pretty melodramatic, but basically I was in a lot of pain and couldn't even keep my spit down, no lie. That night I got up the energy to go to the classroom for the elders to give me a blessing. You know, I may say a lot about these elders but when they need to practice their priesthood authority they are there and they are worthy. I was given a priesthood blessing and it was really good, i quickly returned to bed after the walk back.
For the next few days I was able to go to class/church but I wasnt up to full energy, I was still getting really tired walking to and from places. And more than half of the time just the smell of the cafeteria was making me nauseous. The whole weekend I basically ate rolls and fruit. Holla, it was fine.
I have been feeling really discouaraged as well, I just feel the language isnt coming and my knowledge of the gospel has gone blank. This past 5 days I have honestly thought of just coming home. I'm not coming home. But I've thought about it, a lot. But I'm pretty sure the Lord needs me here. He's made it clear in multiple ways.
In relief society Hermana Pratt (the CCM presidents wife) based her lesson off of a quote by Gordon B. Hinkley "Never permit yourself to become a weak link in the chain of your generation" and another saying "when you save a girl you save generations. That was a little kick in the pants. Because I am being weak, I am thinking that me leaving or me faking sick to come home wont do anything to anyone. Thats a lie. The choices I make right now will effect me and more importantly it will affect the future children that I will raise. And it is so selfish of me to think it wont touch anyone. Still, deep down I was a little discouraged. So I prayed to know why I'm here and my prayer was answered in a different way than I was expecting.
Yesterday while we were teaching one of our investegators, York, he asked us why we decided to serve missions and the words just came out of my mouth. I told him that I was given trials in my life and I found comfort, reassurance, and hope in my gospel and relying on my Savior and on my Heavenly Father, I told him how much joy I find in the gospel and living the commandments and I cant help but want to share it with the world, I want others to feel the joy that I feel from knowing what I know about my purpose and why I want to make good choices, because I know what is there for me in the afterworld.
Also, this morning during my personal study I read in Alma. You should all read Alma 26. I think this is my favorite chapter in the Book of Mormon. But more specifically read Alma 26:12 and Alma 29:9 and tell me what you think of them. I really loved reading them and they made me smile so big. I know that the beginning of my letter was kinda depressing and I'm sorry for that but I don't think that I would have appreciated these scriptures or the lesson if I had not felt that sickness and that sadness. The gospel is true, God is our comforter and through him we find strength, Jesus Christ atoned for our sins so we can return to live with he and our Father in heaven again.
I am so grateful for the support of such great friends and family back home, every week I open my email to find so much love and support. My district also hates me because I have recieved mail every day this week (not my package from you mom but its in mexico city and I should get it by Monday) but thank you Grandma LeAnn, Alex, Shayla and Staci, every letter I recieved this week contained words I needed to hear. I love you all so much! I hope you have a great week! Sorry If I dont reply to all of your emails, I was running low on time this morning.
Tell Tara congrats on her call, Mexico is lucky to have her!
You´re in my prayers.
Love always,
Hermana Groves
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